Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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