I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The uberlube is also flammable
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
