i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
