i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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