in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
