So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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