she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
MIDGETS
????
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
