well I can't set my house on fire every night
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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