he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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