Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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