He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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