Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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