you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
