can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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