I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
