I wish I could teleport
Yo dont text me then not text me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
