You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
