she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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