and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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