i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
