You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
