Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
