The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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