I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
