I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
