I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
