I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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