my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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