What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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