It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
