You made me cry and you don't even care
We won't sleep together?
no, he came in my armpit
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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