3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
