You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
