I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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