So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
