im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
