You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
