Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
