Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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