She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
