did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
