i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
