Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
