I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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