dude i'm inner monologue high
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
