I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We got so high we made milksteak
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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