Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
