who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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