now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I want you more than these girls want KFC
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
