I want to have your abortion
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
