The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
