Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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